Monday. Wednesday. Friday.
This week's workouts.
Do them in order, out of order, or just the one you can't avoid anymore.
Week of September 21, 2026
Monday
The Full Send Situation
For people who are ready to get off the counter and onto the floor. Mostly.
What you need
Wall, floor, sturdy chair, optional light weight
No equipment? See the household guide →
Arm Swings and Shoulder Circles
Swing both arms forward and back across your chest. Then windmill them in big circles both directions. 2 minutes. You look like you are trying to fly. That is fine.
Nose Touches progressing to Full Send
10 Nose Touches against the wall. Then 10 Belly Touches at the counter. If bold, finish with 5–10 Full Send floor pushups. Rest between each surface. 3 rounds of whichever combination works today.
Modification: Stay at whichever surface level is right for today. No progression required. Wall pushups are a complete exercise.
The Confused Pointer
On hands and knees. Extend right arm forward and left leg back simultaneously. Hold 2 seconds. Switch sides. Builds core stability, balance, and the entire back of your body.
Modification: Reduce range of extension. Even a partial reach while maintaining a stable spine is the correct exercise.
The Door Pull — Advanced
Same as Workout 3 but lean further back for more bodyweight resistance. The more horizontal your body the harder it gets. Work toward what challenges you without making you fall over.
Modification: Move feet further from the door to reduce the angle and make it easier. Build toward the harder position over weeks.
The Upside Down Turtle
Lie on your back. Arms pointing at ceiling. Knees bent at 90 degrees in the air. Slowly lower your right arm and left leg toward the floor without touching it. Bring them back. Switch sides. Looks like you have given up. You have not.
Modification: Keep the lowering range smaller — you do not have to go all the way to the floor. The control is the exercise, not the depth.
Chair Dips — deeper
Same as Workout 3 but aim for a slightly deeper dip — elbows to 90 degrees if possible. Your triceps have had two weeks to prepare.
Modification: Stay at shallower range if elbows or shoulders protest. Depth is never worth pain.
The Turtle Rest
Lie on your back for 60 seconds after the Upside Down Turtle. You are already there. Stretch arms overhead. Take 3 slow breaths. Get up without using your hands if possible. That is also an exercise.
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“What did your pet do during The Upside Down Turtle? Details required.”
Wednesday
The Wobble Session
The most important workout nobody talks about. Also the funniest to watch.
The Rusty Robot — Lower Edition
Ankle circles both directions 10 each. Knee circles both directions 10 each. Hip circles both directions 10 each. March in place slowly for 1 minute lifting knees to hip height. Your joints appreciate the notice.
The Flamingo
Stand on one foot. Arms out if needed. Hold for 10 seconds. Switch. When this gets easy close your eyes for 5 seconds of each hold. When that gets easy do it while brushing your teeth.
Modification: Light fingertip contact with a wall throughout. Reduce hold time to 5 seconds if 10 is too unstable. Build up.
Tightrope Time
Walk heel directly in front of toe across your floor or hallway. Arms out for balance. 10 steps forward. Turn carefully. 10 steps back. You will feel slightly drunk. That means it is working.
Modification: Wider stance between steps is allowed. The line does not have to be perfect — the intention is the balance challenge.
The Slow Bow
Stand on one leg. Hinge slowly forward at the hip. Reach your opposite hand toward the floor. Come back up slowly. Looks like a very thoughtful bow to someone in the distance.
Modification: Hold a counter lightly with one hand while learning the movement. Reduce forward lean — even a 45-degree hinge is beneficial.
The Confused Pointer — Standing
Stand on one leg. Extend the opposite arm forward and same-side leg back simultaneously. Hold 2 seconds. Return. Much harder than the floor version. Stand near a wall. The wobble is the workout.
Modification: Return to floor version if standing version causes too much instability. The floor version is a complete exercise.
The Flamingo — Eyes Closed
Stand on one foot. Close your eyes. Hold as long as you can. Open eyes if needed. Switch feet. This removes the visual balance system and forces your body to rely on proprioception entirely.
Modification: Eyes open throughout is perfectly fine. The progression to eyes closed happens over weeks not in one session.
The Balance Finish
Stand on one foot while performing your cool-down stretches — quad stretch, shoulder roll, neck stretch. Everything is on theme. 3 minutes total. Notice if balance feels different than when you started.
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“How long did The Flamingo last with eyes closed? Be honest. We are all in this together.”
Friday
The Tightrope Situation
Your balance is either better than you think or worse. Let us find out.
Kitchen Parade
March in place in your kitchen, living room, or driveway. Knees to hip height. Arms swinging in opposition. 3 minutes. Put on something embarrassing to listen to. Science probably supports this.
The Invisible Chair — One-Legged
Regular Invisible Chair position — back against wall, thighs roughly parallel to floor. Lift one foot slightly off the ground. Hold 10 seconds. Lower. Switch legs.
Modification: Keep both feet down and shift weight to one side instead. Still challenges unilateral leg strength and still burns.
Tightrope Time — Backward
Same heel-to-toe walk but going backward. Challenges different balance pathways and looks absolutely committed from the outside. Stay near a wall. This is not a race.
Modification: Return to forward Tightrope Time if backward direction causes instability. Forward is the complete exercise.
The Flamingo — With Movement
Stand on one foot. Slowly reach both arms forward then out to the sides then overhead while balancing. Each position held 2 seconds. Adds upper body movement to a balance challenge.
Modification: Hold arms still at your sides while balancing if any arm movement disrupts stability. Add movement progressively.
Tip Toes — Single Leg
Stand on one foot near a counter. Rise up onto your toes. Hold one second. Lower slowly. Use the counter as light support only — fingertips not a full grip.
Modification: Use two feet if single leg is too unstable. The two-leg version from Workout 2 is a complete exercise at any stage.
The Slow Bow — Eyes Closed
Stand on one leg. Close your eyes. Hinge slowly forward. Come back up. Open eyes between reps if needed. The most challenging balance exercise in the library. Near a wall is mandatory.
Modification: Eyes open throughout. Return to wall support version. The movement with eyes open is the complete exercise — eyes closed is a future progression.
The Slow Walk Out
Walk slowly for 2 minutes. Notice if your balance feels different than when you started. It probably does. That is the workout working. Finish with 10 ankle circles each direction.
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“Did you attempt the backward Tightrope Time? Report on the structural integrity of the attempt.”